Q-Eng

I would be very glad if you help me with my English, both a title and a body.

私の名はあーす。中年のおばちゃん。
おばちゃんと公言しているせいか、おばちゃんのフレンドが多い。
ある日、日記に、「英語ができないけれど、オーストラリアの女の人と2時間半もチャットをした。」と書いたら、おばちゃんフレンドaikoさんからコメントが来た。
My name is Earth. I’m a middle aged woman.
I have many middle aged friends here. That’s why, I guess, I declare I’m a middle aged woman.
One day I wrote in my journal that “I chatted with an Australian woman for two hours and a half”. Then one of my middle aged woman friends, aikoさん, made her comments to me. I show you our serious exchange about my journal.


aikoさん「あーすさん、そんけいです。２じかんはんってすごすぎる。
　　　　 なぜかいま、ひらがなしかうてないじょうたいで・・・。
　　　　　ぱそこん、ようじかしたんだろうか？ちなみに、かたかなにもならない。」
Aiko : Um, earth, I respect you. Two hours and a half!? You’re great! Oh, no,why? I can’t write anything now except with hiragana. Did my PC become for kids? Besides, even katakana don’t come on the screen.


あーす　「ようじかしちゃったの？ついに、そのぱそこん、ひまごさんよう？
　　　　　　あ、ほんだいですね。おんなのかいわには、２じかんはんなんて、たいしたじかんじゃありません。
　　　　　　さいごはろうがんと、しらがと、しみ、しわ、おでぶのはなしでしたから。」
Earth: Becomes for kids? At last it’s for your great-grandchild? Oh, sorry. Let me go back to the main subject. Two hours and a half was not enough for wemen to talk each other. The last subjects were 白髪(gray hair or white hair), 老眼（presbyopia), シミ(blotch?)、皺(wrinkle)、おデブ(fatness).


Aikoさん「やっと、パソコン直りました。でも、なんだか重くなったような・・・。贅肉が付いたのかしら？
　　　　　えっ、その相手の方はおいくつ？ろうがん、しらが、しみ、しわって英語でなんていうの？
　　　　　そんなの頭にインプットできてるの？すごいやっぱ尊敬いたします。」
Aiko : My PC works now properly, but more slowly. Did it get excess fat to move slowly? Well, how old was she you chatted with? What on earth did you say 老眼、しらが、しみ、皺？　You know such words? Um, how remarkable! I respect you all the more!


あーす　「相手の人は55歳だったかな。
　　　　　Aさん、違うわよ。そんな単語覚えてないわよ。いい？英語は変換よ！
　　　　　何でもかんでも言える言葉を使うのよ。
　　　　　一語ですまそうなんて贅沢よ。それはボキャブラリーの豊富な方のすることよ。
　　　　　私達貧乏人は、こまごましたもので間に合わせるの。
　　　　　いい？あーす語教えるからね。正しい、正しくないは関係ないの。熱意よ！通じろ！っていう迫力よ！
Earth: She was maybe 55 years old.
Well, my friend, I didn’t know such words.
Listen, writing and speaking in English is changing! Conversion!
Using all of the words we know! Only experts having rich Knowledge can use the most suitable words. The people like us with only small number of vocablaries should make the best use of our poor knowledge.
Now, I show you my way. It’s not important correct or not. The most important thing is earganess, and power which we should try to communicate no matter how!


　　　　　白髪はmy hair become white とか　white hair で通じたわ。
　　　　　しみは、gray pale spot on　my face
　　　　　老眼は、I become old so I can’t see something clearly these days
　　　　　しわは　My face has changed. It becomes not flat and has some lines because I am
not young. これは文法的に絶対間違ってる。でも、通じたのよ、なんとか。
　　　　　英語の最大の敵は駄目だと思う気持ちよ。そんなもの捨てなくちゃダメよ。
　　　　　じゃあ、贅肉の付いたパソコンで頑張ってね。あーすも一緒に頑張るからね。
　　　　　あーすは自分の体に贅肉をつけて頑張るわ。
　　　　　・・・・・皺って wrinkleだったわ。そう言えば化粧品でよく言ってるわよね。リンクルなんとかって。」
I said 白髪 was “my hair become white” or “white hair”, しみ　was “gray pale spot on my face”. I expressed 老眼　like this, ” I become old so I can’t see something clearly these days.” And about 皺、I said, ” My face has changed. It becomes not flat and has some lines because I am not young.”
It was crazy, I knew! But she could understand what I tried to say. I convince that the biggest obstacle is our resignation that our English is too terible to communicate with people, and one more trouble is our fear that we make a large number of mistakes. We must throw away what we are thinking serious trouble.
So try to overcome them with your PC got fat! I also work hard with getting more flab on my body.
.......I find now 皺　is wrinkle. That reminds me, some cosmetics use this word.”


Aikoさん「あーす様　勉強になります。ダメだと思う気持ちだらけです。脱ぎ捨てなければならないんですね・・・。
　　　　　脱ぐぞ、すぱっと。さて終わらせてケーキ、ケーキ。」
Aiko : My fried, thank you. I learned a lot from your experience. I’ve been filled with fear. I must take off my useless thing. . All right, I do right now! Well, I’ll finish learning today’s work, and eat cake.”


あーす　「贅肉は脱がずに増やし行くの？」
Earth : Not taking off your useless flab, but you go to gain new one?


Aikoさん「大丈夫。本日は、エクササイズの日。
　　　　　行った時間にたまたまやっていた、プールの中での腰痛体操を体験。
　　　　　これがなんとキツイ。これって腰痛治すんじゃなくて、腰痛になるんじゃね？
　　　　　その後、手にカエルのみずかきみたいな手袋つけての、アクアグローブという水中エアロビに参加。
　　　　　イケメンじゃないけど、若い兄ちゃんのインストラクターの掛け声で、おばさん達が舞う。
　　　　　こわい図でしょ～！！」
Aiko : It’s OK.I have an exercise today. I found a trial lesson for lower back pain the other day, and I did it. To my surprise, it was so hard! I thought it didn’t make my pain decreace( or reduce?) but increace. And then, I took part in an aerobics in water, with putting a pair of glove like webs of frogs. Following calls by a young instructor who was not a nice looking man, many middle aged women danced with frog webs in water. Can you imagine it? It was a soooo horrible and curious scene, wasn’t it? ”


あーす　「運動した後の甘いものは吸収が良くなるそうよ・・・・（フフフ・・・）。
　　　　　　私、お腹周りなら、カノウ恭子さんのバストに負けないわよ。」
Earth : After exercising sweet cake easily changes into flab, I heard before. fu,fu,fu(?). By the way, my stomach size never loses to one of Ms. Kyoko Kano, a woman with an unblievable, wonderful body.


このやりとり、いかがでした？
これぞ、究極おばちゃん達の英語道！
How do you think about our exchange?
It’s the essential (ultimate?) way to study English for us, middle aged women who has gotten old and become fearless and shameless!

P.S.
Makitysさん　pointed the following sentence didn’t correctly translate my Japanese sentence.
>いい？英語は変換よ！
>Listen, writing and speaking in English is changing! Conversion!
So, I changed the above sentence to the following.
Listen, writing and speaking in English is changing how to say it! Changing your expression!


Aafter reading St.Paulさん’s comments, I noticed that このやりとり、いかがでした？”How do you think about our exchange?” was not correct, I should say “What do you …” instead of “How do you think…”.
I asked my readers their opinions here, so I should have said “What do you think…”. The expression,”How do you think….”, asked my readers their way how to think.
Are they correct?
Would you give me your advice about this expressions?