Q-Eng

• 

お肌が乾燥して、ガサガサに。
美容パックをしたら、きれいになった、
という内容の日記を書いた。

自分で書いた日記は　意味は通じると思うけど、ぎごちない。

先生に、おねがいして、手直ししてもらった。

こちらが、私の日記添削まえ。
↓
These days I have been working hard.
I feel tired.
When I peer in the mirror, some wrinkles are on my face.
Oh no!
My skin sure is tired. My skin is so dry today..
I opened a drawer and rummaged for a face mask.
I got it!
I moisturized my skin with it.
The mask is filled with a beauty lotion.
It worked.
The wrinkes went away for now.


先生のコメント。
↓
I sent the natural English version in the other email. Try to combine your sentences with conjunctions (you can google that) so they are not so short and choppy.


添削後、こうなりました。
↓
These days I have been working hard and I feel tired.
When I peer into the mirror, I can see wrinkles on my face.
Oh no!
My skin sure is tired and it looks so dry today.
I open a drawer and rummage for a face mask.
Got it!
I moisturize my skin with the mask full of beauty lotion.
It works!
The wrinkles are gone for now.


時制の決め方、接続詞の使い方で文章にリズムがでた。

I moisturized my skin with it.と簡単にかいてしまったところを、

I moisturize my skin with the mask full of beauty lotion.
と、直してくれた。

詳しく書きたいのに、書けなかったところだった。