Q-Eng

英語を７０歳の手習いで始めました。宜しくお願いします。

１部英訳をしました。チェック願います。
My hometown is the city of Hadano, Kanagawa Prefecture.
I lived in there until the age of 22 become members of society.
There is a mountain of 1,672 m from 1,205 m have been chained to the north, called the Tanzawasan mountain area.
Half of the city has in the forest, the city center is alluvial fan that is surrounded by mountains on all sides in the basin.
There is a population of about 168,000 people. Area is 103 square kilometers.
In addition, there is a winter average temperature is 6.2 degrees, 24.9 degrees in the summer, the climate is mild.
One of the features is that the groundwater has been flowing artesian in 21 locations.
There is a set of springs of Hadano Basin.
There is that one hundred have been selected to choose best waters.
This water is very tasty, I feel the cool air also.
Odakyu line opened in 1927, in 1981 the interchange of the Tomei Expressway was completed Hatano Nakai.
There is located in the western part of Kanagawa prefecture, near about 1 hour by car or by train from central Tokyo and Yokohama.
You can have many of sightseeing here.
For example, there is a mountain climbing course of Oyama and Tougatake, hiking course of Sinnseiko and Koubouyama, there is a further tour of historic sites and famous water.

koubouyamaさん、はじめまして！

こちらのサイトで、英語をゆるゆると学習中のluminと申します。
英作文の練習と思って、英語訳に挑戦してみました。

間違いがたくさんあると思います。　おゆるしくださいませ。


My home town is Hadano City, Kanagawa Prefecture. I had lived there until I started working at the age of 22. In the north of the town, there's a mountain range called "Tanzawa Sankai", with mountains between 1,205 and 1672 meters high. Half of the city is covered with forests, and the downtown area is an alluvial basin surrounded by mountains.
Its population is about 168,000, and it has an area of 103 square meters. Its climate is mild, with the average temperature of 6.2℃ in winter and 24.9 ℃ in summer. The city features 21 spots of groundwater discharge, which have been selected as one of "the best 100 waters in Japan."
The water tastes really good and the air is so fresh.
The Odakyu line opened in the year of Showa 2, and the Hatano Nakai Interchange on the Tomei Expressway was completed in the year of Showa 56.
The town is situated in the western part of Kanagawa Prefecture, near from downtown Tokyo and Yokohama, about an hour by train or by car.
It has various sightseeing spots, like the mountain climbing route in Oyama and Tougatake, the hiking trail through Sinnseiko and Koubouyama. You can also visit many historical sits and the spots of famous water.
Hatano City is famous for tasty peanuts, and local "sake" brewed with water designated as one of "the best 100 waters."
There are many parks in the city, where we can enjoy seasonal flowers such as cherry blossoms, rape blossoms, tulips, hydrangea, wild lilies, spider lilies, daffodils, and their flagrance refreshes us.
I go back to my hometown 4 or 5 times a year and keep in touch with my ex-classmates in elementary and junior high school. My hometown and my old friends always refresh my mind and make me happy.

英語の先生でないので、おこがましいのですけれど、koubouyamaさんの書かれた英文で気づいたことを書かせていただきます。

　I lived in there　⇒　"in"は不要かと思います。
　 until the age of 22 become members of society　⇒　becomeは過去形のbecameにされるとよいと思います。　また、誰がbecameしたのか主語がないので、"I"を入れてくださいませ。 あと、社会人になられたのは、koubouyamaさんおひとりのことを言っていると思いますので、membersでなくて、a memberとされるのがよいかとおもいます。
　There is a mountain of 1,672 m from 1,205 m have been chained to the north　⇒　文の構造を考えた時、There is～、と、a mountain have been～の２つがくっついていますので、どちらか1つにされるとよいかとおもいます。
また、山はいっぱいありますので、a mountainでなくて、複数のmountainsにされた方がよいと思います。
　Half of the city has in the forest　⇒　動詞"have"でなくて、be動詞の"is"とされたらいかがでしょう。
　there is a winter average temperature is 6.2 degrees　⇒　temperatureに関しては、there is～の表現より、The average temperature in winter is～の表現がbetterかとおもいます。
　There is located in the western part of Kanagawa prefecture　⇒　there is でなくて、it isでよいと思われます。
　For example, there is a mountain climbing course of Oyama and Tougatake, hiking course of Sinnseiko and Koubouyama ⇒　ハイキングや登山の「コース」というのは和製英語だと聞いたことがあるのですが・・・　routeやtrailを使われたらいかがでしょうか？

間違ったことを申し上げてるかもしれません、ごめんなさい。

私の実家も神奈川県（横浜市）で、県内で高校まで卒業しました。
そして、ひとつきほど前に、また神奈川県にお引っ越しして戻ってまいりました。
秦野はもちろん存じておりますが、一度も行ったことはございません。
すごくすてきな場所なんですね！　行ってみたいです＾＾

>>3 luminさん
>>4 luminさん
有難うございます。
ステップ・バイ・ステップで勉強します。
宜しく支援願います。
koubouyamaより